


Sleep Sweet My Love

by xcaellachx



Category: Glee
Genre: Angst, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Original Character Death(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-07
Updated: 2014-08-07
Packaged: 2018-02-12 04:48:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2096328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xcaellachx/pseuds/xcaellachx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Love will find a way. Kurt takes a long journey through grief, personal growth, and finding out what real love means. Laugh, cry, and enjoy his journey.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sleep Sweet My Love

**Author's Note:**

> This is a story that is very close to my heart, as a lot of the basic plot has happened in my life. I ask you to be patient and go with the flow, it’ll all make sense in the end. There will be other relationships, but Klaine is endgame, I promise. Time will pass in large chunks here and there, but it’s all part of the story. Enjoy the story!

Life rarely turns out according to the plans of the young. Kurt was certain he would be with Blaine forever. Forever turned out to be about a year and a half. Then Kurt got caught up in his life in New York and Blaine was enjoying his senior year back in Lima. The split had been mutual. They tried not having a romantic relationship for a while and found there was less stress on their friendship when there were less expectations. Blaine was wonderful and Kurt would always love him, that’s how it is with first loves. They always own a corner of your heart, no matter where your heart ends up going.

Kurt didn’t date at all his first year in New York. He completely devoted himself to his studies at Parson’s The New School for Design. Though he’d blown his NYADA audition out of the water, he was still turned down for entrance. The applicants were so talented that they’d had to choose only those with outstanding resume’s. Kurt had already known his wasn’t quite up to par. If he’d won student council president, that might have put him over the edge. Luckily, he hadn’t put all his eggs into the NYADA basket, so when he’d received his acceptance letter to Parson’s, guaranteeing him a New York education, he couldn’t have been more pleased.

Studying fashion from the master’s of the field was intimidating and hard work. Kurt spent all of his time studying and when he wasn’t studying, he was walking through fabric stores, testing his knowledge or designing what he would do for his next class project. It was exhilarating as much as it was hard work. He liked to spend his studying hours at the coffee shop down the street from his dorms, which meant he was there _all the time_.

Coffee Stains reminded him of the Lima Bean. He enjoyed the décor with its round tables each looking like they had a round coffee stain on them. The lighting was low but still bright enough to study under. It had become his personal sanctuary. And though his friends from the dorm knew they could find him there, most just left him alone. He was known as the die-hard academic, always studying something. He didn’t mind the label. Some of his dorm-mates tended to party more than they studied. One had even flunked out recently and had to leave. That was not going to be his fate. He couldn’t understand how people could be so blasé about their education, especially in such a prestigious school. So if he had to be known as the lame one who studies all the time, so be it.

By the end of the school year, Kurt was feeling like he fit in well and overall his first year in New York was a success. He had friends, though none of them were incredibly close, his grades were impeccable, and he loved his dorm room. His dorm was a single room which was perfect for him. His dad had paid for him to have a private room as a gift. Since he was making extra money being a congressman, he didn’t mind doing this one thing for Kurt. Finn had also gotten a private room at UCLA.

The only down side to the summer was the fact that there would be no trip home to see his dad and Carole. They were planning to come see him for a week before his sophomore year started whenever Burt’s meeting schedule in Washington allowed. But since they’d be gone the entire summer, there was no point going home. Blaine was headed off to Europe for the summer before he started college; he was still undecided between Stanford and NYU. By this time, he and Blaine were simply friends, able to talk about anything they wanted with no emotions getting in the way. The first time Blaine had hesitantly brought up having a date, Kurt had reassured him that it didn’t bother him. Now, Blaine would tell him about his dates and complain about the boys in Lima. Kurt enjoyed it even though Blaine teased him about not going out or finding someone to at least have coffee with.

Kurt didn’t mind, though. Now he had a summer stretching before him with a mostly empty dorm. There were only two guys other than him that were sticking around and they didn’t travel in the same circles. Kurt was on his own. He began planning his own tour of New York, the parts he hadn’t had a chance to see during the busy school year. He purchased tickets to several Broadway shows and didn’t feel bad that he’d be going alone.

One afternoon. That’s all it took to change everything. A two hour time frame when he could have been anywhere in the state of New York, but he’d chosen to catch up on his issues of Vogue while sipping coffee at Coffee Stains.

“Well, well, of all the coffee joints in all the world. Kurt Hummel, lady extraordinaire, how are you?”

Kurt knew the voice immediately and put down his magazine, clenched his teeth, and smiled tightly. “Sebastian Smythe, meerkat and blinder of the innocent. How are you?”

Sebastian chuckled and sat down across from Kurt. “It’s nice to know you haven’t changed. I’m pretty good, how are you?”

Kurt raised an eyebrow. “Um. Are you seriously starting a conversation with me?”

“Why not? Oh, come on, Kurt, high school is over, can’t we just act like adults?” Sebastian said, his green eyes sincere. “I know I had issues in high school,” he began.

“You almost blinded Blaine. And you were aiming for me. Those kind of memories go beyond high school and straight into eternity,” Kurt snapped.

Sebastian took a deep breath. “I apologized for that back then, Kurt. I even went through counseling to work on my anger and manipulation issues,” he said, his cheeks turning pink with embarrassment.

Kurt was surprised at his honesty. “Really?”

He chuckled bitterly. “Why would I offer up that kind of fodder for wise cracks unless it was true?”

Kurt fought a smile but didn’t succeed. “True. How are you doing with the counseling?”

“Oh, they kicked me out,” Sebastian said. At Kurt’s shocked look, he laughed loudly. “Kidding, I’m kidding. Relax, Hummel. Counseling was fine, I’m done, I even have meds to help me stay mellow when I need to. There’s another bit of honesty for you.”

Kurt took a sip of coffee, regarding the thin man across from him. Sebastian looked the same since the last time he saw him. The only difference being he was in well-fitting jeans and a button up shirt, not a Warbler uniform. His brown hair was still in the same wave, his eyes still that disturbing color of green.

“Why are you telling me all this?” Kurt asked, tilting his head. “Why would you even bother talking to me?”

Sebastian’s face tightened momentarily. Had Kurt hurt his feelings? Did Sebastian have any actual feelings _to_ hurt?

“Honestly? I’m fucking lonely. College is a bitch and I can’t seem to, uh, make any friends. While that was all well and good in high school, apparently I care now. I saw you in here when I was stopping to get coffee and I figured I could at least try to talk to you,” Sebastian explained, staring down at the table, tracing the coffee stain design. “It’s kind of like seeing a piece of home, seeing you here.” His voice was so quiet, Kurt almost didn’t catch what he said.

“I get that,” Kurt said softly.

“What are you doing here anyway? Shouldn’t you be back in Lima for the summer? You and Blaine should be attached at the hip, eating at Breadstix and giving each other facials,” Sebastian said, a twinkle in his eye.

Kurt blushed at his innuendo. “Blaine and I broke up a long time ago. My parents won’t be in Lima all summer so I didn’t bother even planning a trip,” he said, wondering why he was still talking to Sebastian. There was something different about him, though, a vulnerability. He honestly looked like he was interested in what Kurt had to say.

“I get that. I’m sorry about you and Blaine. I was seeing a guy for a while, but it didn’t last more than a month,” Sebastian said. “My folks are in Rio. They said since I’m an adult now I can figure out my own summer activities,” he said bitterly.

Kurt knew if he showed too much sympathy for this obviously lonely guy, he’d just smirk and blow it off.

“That sucks,” he just said. Sebastian nodded, agreeing. “So have you made any adult plans for your summer?”

“Just hang around I guess. Take in a couple shows, that kind of thing. I miss singing, so I’m going to get my fill listening to other people,” Sebastian said smiling.

“I miss it, too,” Kurt admitted. “I bought tickets to Wicked, Phantom, and Les Mis. Of course, the last show I went to, I ended up singing along and the guy next to me threatened to throw me to the fishes if I kept it up.” They both laughed. It felt good, different from his normally serious behavior. He’d become a bit stiffer since he moved to New York. Now, though, he felt himself loosening up.

“I’m gonna see Wicked and Les Mis, too. I wish there was like a show choir summer camp for grown people,” Sebastian said with a grin.

“That would be the best,” Kurt agreed.

“I’m gonna get some more coffee, you want some?” Sebastian offered, standing.

“Sure,” Kurt said, somewhat surprised. He was actually having a good time and it was nice to have someone from home to talk to, even if it was Sebastian Smythe.

. . . . .

When Kurt got back to his dorm that night, he was surprised to still be smiling. He and Sebastian had talked for hours about everything from the Warbler’s to singing out their problems to the loneliness they were both dealing with. Sebastian admired Kurt for being so dedicated to his studies. He was studying political science because that was what his father wanted. He told Kurt he wasn’t ready to share what he really wanted to do with his life. Kurt had teased him and prodded him, but Sebastian had just turned red and told him it wasn’t going to happen.

They’d traded phone numbers before they’d left and agreed to get together the next day to go see the Statue of Liberty. They’d both lived in New York for a year and the most they’d done was drive by it. The plan was to meet at Coffee Stains and take the ferry out to Ellis Island and hike up the steps of the Statue.

Kurt was still hesitant, but it really did seem like Sebastian had turned over a new leaf in his life. If he was going to turn out to be a decent human, Kurt wouldn’t turn down a friend. His phone buzzed and he saw he had a text from Sebastian.

Sebastian: _I had a good time. Can’t wait for tomorrow. I suggest comfortable clothes. Skinny jeans aren’t conducive to hiking up a statue._

Kurt: _Bite me. Skinny jeans are perfect for any situation. I had fun too. See you tomorrow._

 . . . .  .

Kurt did take Sebastian’s advice, though, and wore comfortable, distressed jeans along with a short sleeved t-shirt with a deep red vest over it. He wore his broken in Doc Marten boots and grabbed some granola bars and water to put in his messenger bag.

Walking to Coffee Stains, he found he was actually looking forward to the days outing. If Sebastian turned back into his asshole self, maybe he’d push him off the top of the Statue of Liberty. Grinning, he opened the door and was about to order coffee when he saw Sebastian sitting at the table they’d sat at yesterday. He waved his hand and held up a coffee.

Kurt walked over. “Thanks,” he said, taking the cardboard cup.

“You look nice,” Sebastian said, his cheeks staining pink again.

Kurt saw the honesty on his face and turned pink himself. “Uh, thanks. So do you.”

They both stared off to the side for a moment. “Ready to go?” Sebastian finally said.

Kurt nodded, eager to forget the awkward moment and the admiration in Sebastian’s green eyes.

. . . . .

“You totally looked like you were gonna puke,” Kurt laughed, letting them into his dorm room that afternoon. “Welcome to my home.”

“Nice place, it’s better than my room,” Sebastian said, looking around.  “And for the record, I was not going to puke. I don’t have a fear of heights… I just have a healthy respect for heights,” Sebastian said. Seeing Kurt giggling, he threw his empty water bottle at him. “Fuck off, Hummel.”

“Go take a pill,” Kurt said with a smile.

“I don’t have a pill that can help me put up with idiots,” Sebastian teased.

“Sure, it’s in all the stores. It’s called Fuckitall, ever heard of it?” Kurt said, smiling as he put coffee on to brew.

“Actually, it does ring a bell,” Sebastian said, coming over and nudging Kurt with his shoulder. “You should keep it in stock for your poor dorm-mates.”

“Whatever! I am the most fabulous one on this floor. They should have to give me some Fuckitall to put up with them. You wouldn’t believe the number of video games and porn movies that go on all hours of the day and night,” Kurt said, shaking his head.

“Is it good porn?” Sebastian asked, still standing distractingly close to Kurt.

“Straight,” Kurt said and Sebastian made a sound of sympathy.

“That’s too bad,” he replied.

“Tell me about it,” Kurt grumbled. “The things straight people do are kinda gross. It’s good to be gay,” Kurt said with conviction.

“Amen to that,” Sebastian said, holding up a hand for a high five.

Kurt slapped his hand and froze, their hands still connected. It felt like an electrical charge was passing through their hands and throughout Kurt’s body. When he met Sebastian’s eyes, he realized he wasn’t the only one feeling it.

Kurt put his hand down quickly, turning to pour them a cup of coffee. “Wanna watch a movie?”

Sebastian stared at him for a moment, his green eyes wondering. “Sounds good to me as long as it’s not too gay.”

“I thought we’d agreed that gay was good?” Kurt bantered back, handing him a cup.

“Yeah but when it comes to movies, a little gay goes a long way,” Sebastian said, laughing.

Kurt realized he liked the sound. It was real and joyful. He also liked the way Sebastian smelled and that was bothering him. It was a mixture of his cologne and just the scent of man. It reminded him of how much he had enjoyed being with Blaine after he was done boxing.

They settled on watching the final Harry Potter movie because Sebastian said he hadn’t seen it yet. They kept up a snarky commentary the entire time, laughing and poking at each other. It was fun. There was no spite to their teasing, there were no vicious undertones. It was just plain fun. Kurt got to be his bitchy self and Sebastian would just return it.

He walked Sebastian to the door later, still laughing at their discussion of Dumbledore being gay.

“Well, I guess the world will never know,” Kurt said, leaning against the open door.

“I guess not,” Sebastian agreed. As casual as if he was waving goodbye, Sebastian suddenly leaned down and kissed Kurt on the lips. “Good night.”

Kurt stood there, watching Sebastian walk down the hall. He looked back once and winked before heading down the stairs. Still standing there, Kurt put his fingers to his lips. That same electrical current that had run through their hands had gone straight from his lips to his pants. What was it about contact between them? And why had Sebastian even kissed him in the first place?

Shrugging, he closed the door and went to get his phone, settling on the couch.

Kurt: _What was that for?_

Sebastian: _What? ;)_

Kurt: _Oh I don’t know, the wink down the hall. The kiss, Seb._

Kurt shortened his name so he didn’t have to spell it out. He could have no idea how much Sebastian enjoyed nicknames of any kind. It showed some sort of caring, whether friendly or loving. Nobody had called him Seb in years.

Sebastian: _I had to._

Staring at the message, Kurt’s stomach did a small somersault. What the hell was going on?

Kurt: _Why?_

Sebastian _: I couldn’t stop thinking about your lips all day. After that interesting incident with our hands, I wanted to give kissing a try._

This is Sebastian, Kurt reminded himself. He could turn on him at any moment. But at the same time, it really seemed like Sebastian had changed. The day had been lovely and fun, full of laughter and friendship. He wanted it to be true that Sebastian was different. He wanted it much more than he would ever have thought possible.

Kurt: _And what is the verdict?_

Sebastian: _I want you._

Holy shit. Did he read that right, Kurt wondered. And why were his pants getting tight, his cock waking up to the first bit of attention he’d had in a long time.

Kurt: _Oh._

Sebastian: _I’m patient, don’t worry. I’m not like I used to be. I think I really like you, Kurt._

Kurt: _I like you too._

Sebastian _: I have a silly request._

Kurt: _Okay?_

Sebastian: _Will you call be Seb?_

Kurt smiled. It was a sweet request that he had no problem fulfilling.

Kurt: _No problem, Seb. ;) Sleep well._

Sebastian: _Thx :D You too. Coffee tomorrow? Say 10am?_

Kurt: _See you then._

 

. . . . .

After two weeks of hanging out on a daily basis, each day ending with a soft kiss, Kurt had to admit to himself that he was falling for Sebastian Smythe. God help him, but he was. He was in his kitchenette again, making them coffee like he always did after they spent the day together. Sebastian was picking out the movie, which they took turns picking.

“Cookies or popcorn, Seb,” Kurt called.

“Popcorn with cookies on top,” Sebastian answered.

“Coming right up,” Kurt said and popped a bag of popcorn in the microwave.

When it was done, he put it in a bowl and grabbed the package of cookies from the cupboard. He normally didn’t eat cookies, but he’d learned that Seb had a sweet tooth, so he kept them around for him.

“So, tonight we’re going with the Bourne trilogy. I can’t believe you haven’t seen any of these movies,” Sebastian said. “Your girl side is showing, Hummel.”

“Whatever. I am way more man than you,” Kurt grumbled, plopping down next to him, both of them putting their socked feet on the coffee table.

“Not possible! Look at you and look at me,” Sebastian said, grinning snarkily.

“Bite me,” Kurt said, watching the opening credits.

“You say that a lot. You better watch it or one of these times, I’ll take you up on it,” Sebastian said, wiggling his eyebrows.

Kurt was surprised that he enjoyed the movies, but the fast-paced action kept his eyes glued to the screen. When the last movie ended, they sat there, sipping their coffee and discussing the car chase scenes.

Putting his cup down, Kurt put his hands in the air, stretching his back. Sebastian put his cup down and reached over and cupped Kurt’s chin. Kurt put his arms down, but didn’t move.

“What’s wrong?” he asked quietly.

“Pecks at night aren’t good enough anymore,” Sebastian said, his voice lower than normal. Kurt noticed that his eyes were almost glowing, they were so green.

“Huh?” Kurt asked, not sure what he meant by that.

Sebastian groaned. He kept Kurt’s chin in his hand and leaned in to lightly kiss Kurt’s full lips. It was a moment he’d been waiting for over the past two weeks. Seeing the response in Kurt’s beautiful ocean eyes made his cock tighten in his slacks.

Kurt was surprised by the passion behind the kiss. Sebastian scooted toward him and cupped his face fully before lowering his lips again. This time, he softly kissed each corner of Kurt’s mouth before planting his lips firmly against Kurt’s.

Sebastian’s lips felt weird, but good. Kurt hadn’t kissed anyone but Blaine and that one incident with Karofsky. He felt inexperienced when compared to the talent of Sebastian’s mouth as it moved against his. Sebastian expertly licked along the line of Kurt’s lips until Kurt opened up beneath him. They both gasped at the fiery sensations of their tongues mingling together.

Sebastian explored Kurt’s mouth, learning the taste of him, massaging his tongue. It was everything he’d hoped it would be. There was a fire between them that was amazing. He wasn’t going to let this man go.

“Kurt,” he moaned lightly, moving his mouth down Kurt’s cheek to his neck. He could spend hours staring and touching his long neck. He nibbled lightly, giving him a tiny bruise right at his collar bone.

“Seb,” Kurt said, pulling away.

Sebastian sat back, hurt by the small rejection until he saw that Kurt’s eyes were blown with lust.

“What’s the matter?” Sebastian asked, giving him room, but keeping his hands on Kurt’s.

“It’s just, I, well, I’ve only ever been with Blaine,” Kurt said, his face on fire. “And we’ve been broken up for seven months.”

“Kurt, I’m not going to push you into anything,” Sebastian said. Kurt was just nervous. He could understand that. He was too. After his counseling, he’d stopped sleeping with anyone he could get. He made his choices more carefully. But right now, his only choice, his only desire was Kurt. “Be my boyfriend, Kurt,” Sebastian said, his stomach tightening nervously.

Kurt stared at him for a moment, his blue-green eyes wide with surprise. Kurt didn’t know what to think. This was something he’d never even fathomed happening. Yet there was magic between them, a different fire than he’d had with Blaine. He liked it. A lot. And he wanted more. Sebastian was sweet, funny, snarky, and drop dead sexy. “Okay,” he found himself saying.

“Really?” Sebastian asked, his eyes wide with pleasure.

“Really,” Kurt said and leaned in to kiss him again.

Kurt lost himself in the kiss, trying to avoid the thought of telling Blaine, his dad, and friends that he was Sebastian Smythe’s boyfriend.

. . . . . . . . .

 

Kurt lay in bed, contemplating his life. He’d just spent almost a year alone and yet here he was, two weeks into summer and he had a boyfriend. It was different than it had been with Blaine. They had bonded over things they had in common and a deep respect and love for each other. With Sebastian, it was like they had to disagree on everything because it made it that much more fun to argue. And the passion, that fiery burn between them was something Kurt had never felt.

He got butterflies in his stomach at the thought of telling his friends and family about Sebastian. He knew they wouldn’t understand just how much Seb had changed. Especially Blaine. The history between the three of them was muddled as it was, with Seb having wanted Blaine so bad in high school. But he wouldn’t keep it from them. They deserved to know that Kurt was happy.

The next morning, he texted his dad, Finn, and Blaine to see when it would be a good time to do a conference call. Kurt figured it would be easier to do that then call all of them individually. They all agreed that an hour from then would be good, though it was the middle of the night for Blaine. Kurt made some coffee and curled up a cushioned chair he kept near the window. Pulling his phone from his pocket, he shot off a text to Sebastian.

Kurt: _Good morning. Big call going out in an hour._

Sebastian: _Morning! What do you mean?_

Kurt: _Telling Dad, Blaine, Finn about us._

Sebastian: _Why?_

Kurt stared at his phone. Why? Why wouldn’t he tell them?

Kurt: _Did you not want anyone to know that we are boyfriends?_

Sebastian: _No, that’s fine. I just know they won’t be too happy with the news. I don’t want you to get upset by anything they might have to say._

Kurt: _It’ll be fine. They love me and will support me in any choice I make._

Sebastian: _I hope so. Just remember I’m here for you even if they aren’t._

Kurt: _Ok, talk to you soon._

Sebastian: _Good luck._

Kurt stared out the window. Why would Seb automatically think that his family wouldn’t be receptive to the news? Yeah, he was nervous that they might freak at first, but once they realized Kurt was happy, they would be too. Wouldn’t they?

The next hour was spent with Kurt even more nervous about his family’s reaction. He determined that if they couldn’t accept him being with Seb, than they just didn’t need to discuss it.

Once the four of them were on the phone and everyone had greeted each other, Burt brought the conversation into focus. Kurt grinned at the skills his dad had acquired being a Congressman.

“Kurt, you called this little meeting, what’s up, buddy?”

“Well, I have some news for you guys. I know you’ve all been after me because I haven’t been getting out much. But, uh, I kinda met someone. Well, re-met someone I guess I should say and we’ve decided to be a couple,” Kurt announced.

“Kurt, that’s wonderful,” Blaine exclaimed, a smile evident in his voice.

“Good for you, bro,” Finn said.

“Who is this guy?” Burt wanted to know, always a protective father.

“Well, like I said, we re-met because we haven’t seen each other since high school. He’s like a completely different person. We have so much fun together,” Kurt hedged, feeling more and more worried.

“And this person is?” Burt said, his voice getting an edge to it.

“Come on, Kurt, you know we’ll support you,” Blaine said quietly.

“It’s, uh, Sebastian Smythe actually,” Kurt said, his voice higher pitched than normal due to his nerves.

There was silence for a good thirty seconds before the voices on the other lines exploded.

“Smythe? That asshole who tried to break you and Blaine up?” Burt was growling.

“The guy who tried to blind me?” Blaine was exclaiming.

“That ass hat? Are you an idiot?” Finn was yelling.

“Hold on, guys,” Kurt said, his stomach sinking. “If you’ll please remember what I said, he has changed. He went through counseling and he’s even on meds to help him with his anger issues.” Seb had made it sound like he only took meds occasionally, but it had come out later that he was too embarrassed to admit he had to take the pills daily to help. Kurt supported him and told him he was proud that Seb was being responsible about his own health.

“Medication? You’re dating someone who needs to be on meds because of anger issues?” Burt was still growling. “I gotta say, Kurt, I’m not too happy about this.”

“Yeah, Kurt, Sebastian is a very manipulative person,” Blaine said reasonably. “I want you to be happy, but I’m concerned.”

“I’m gonna fly over there and kick his ass just for good measure,” Finn said more to himself than to Kurt.

“Please, guys, just listen, okay? Please?” Kurt paused until they all agreed. “Now, Sebastian aside, do you trust me? Do you trust my ability to make good decisions for myself?”

“I guess,” Burt grumbled.

“Yeah, but,” Blaine started.

“No buts, Blaine. Do you trust me or not?” Kurt insisted.

“I trust you, but not him,” Finn said quickly.

“Yes, I trust you,” Blaine said.

“Then you can all trust me to know that the man I am seeing is different from the juvenile delinquent that he was in high school. You can trust that I did not give him a chance just for the hell of it, but I saw something in him that was good, was different. He makes me feel good about myself,” Kurt said, hoping they would all really hear him.

“Kurt, you know I want you to be happy, you deserve it. I’ve said all year that you’ve spent too much time alone. I’m glad that you aren’t lonely anymore, but I cannot be happy that you are with Sebastian. He is not good for you or good enough for you. I’m sorry, Kurt, I can’t support you in this,” Blaine said sadly. “I’ve gotta go.”

They all heard the beep signaling that Blaine had hung up. Kurt put his head in his hands. “Okay, let’s do this, then. Who else can’t be supportive?”

“I’ll support you, Kurt. But if he even looks at you funny, you call me and I’ll grab Puck and we’ll come kick his ass. We’ll even hunt down Santana and see if she has any more razors stuck in her hair,” Finn said with a chuckle. “I gotta go, though, I have a class to get to. Love you Kurt, love you, Dad,” he said and hung up. Kurt still thrilled at hearing Finn calling Burt Dad. It had happened the first time just prior to graduation and Burt had teared up and hugged Finn tightly. Since then, nobody made mention of it, but it made everyone happy. They were a true family.

“Kurt, son, I know you make good decisions. To be honest, though, I’m nervous about this. If he has such bad anger issues he has to be on meds, what happens if he stops taking them? What will happen to you?” Burt said.

“Dad, he isn’t going to stop taking the meds, there is no reason why he would. He really likes me and I really like him. I don’t feel so lonely and we bark at each other and insult each other and laugh about it. It’s refreshing. I care about him, Dad,” Kurt said quietly. “Please. I need to know you will support me in this.”

“Of course I’ll support you. I always will in any situation, but that doesn’t mean I’ll stop worrying. It comes with the job description of being a parent. So, yes, I support you and I hope you can continue to be happy. But I want to meet this new and improved Sebastian when your mother and I come to visit at the end of summer,” Burt said firmly.

Kurt smiled. “Not a problem. I love you, Dad. Give Mom a hug for me,” he said. Burt agreed and they hung up.

Kurt headed to the shower to get ready for the day. He didn’t have class until the afternoon so he and Seb would be meeting for coffee as they did nearly every morning. As he was washing his hair, he realized there were tears streaming down his face. It bothered him more than he was willing to admit that Blaine couldn’t support his choice. They had remained best friends over this last year and Blaine’s respect and opinion meant more to him than anyone’s except his dad’s. Now, knowing he would be starting a relationship that his best friend couldn’t agree with made his heart ache. The ache reminded him of when they’d first split up and before they’d been able to become friends again. It was a lonely ache, that little part of his heart that still belonged to Blaine was hurting.

But he cared for Seb and he was ready to give the relationship the chance it deserved, the chance he wanted to give it. Hopefully Blaine would come around. He hoped.

. . . . .

Sebastian approached him hesitantly at Coffee Stains, his usual coffee in his hand.

“How’d it go?” he asked.

“Pretty good,” Kurt said with a smile, wondering if Seb would catch the lie.

“Well, that’s good to hear,” Seb said with a relieved grin.

Kurt’s face fell. Sebastian hadn’t caught the obvious lie or noticed the red ring around his eyes. Mentally he shook himself. They’d only been seeing each other two weeks, he couldn’t expect Seb to read his mind yet.

“It wasn’t all good,” Kurt said, taking a sip of coffee.

“What do you mean?” Seb asked, his eyebrows mashing together.

“I mean, not everyone was wild about the idea. Finn was supportive. Dad was okay with things, though he wants to meet you when he comes to visit. Blaine, on the other hand,” Kurt said, his voice fading.

“What about Blaine?” Sebastian asked, his eyes narrowed.

“Blaine isn’t quite ready to forgive and forget about what happened last year. He’s just worried about me is all,” Kurt said.

“Yeah well, I guess Blaine just doesn’t need a place in your life than, does he?” Sebastian bit out, his eyes flashing.

Kurt froze. “What do you mean by that?”

“I mean just what I said. If he can’t support us than you don’t need him in your life. Come on, Kurt, I care about you so damn much it scares me. There is nothing I’d ever do to hurt you. I’d be more worried about you having the potential to hurt me,” Sebastian said quietly.

Kurt reached over and took his hand. “Seb, come on, you don’t have anything to worry about. I care for you, too,” he said reassuringly. He hated the haunted, sad look in Seb’s beautiful green eyes.

“Then you won’t let somebody else tear us apart?” Sebastian asked, his eyes wide and vulnerable.

“Of course not,” Kurt found himself promising. “It’s all about you and me.”

“Promise?” Sebastian asked.

“I promise,” Kurt assured him.

It wasn’t until later that he realized Sebastian had implied that he didn’t want Kurt to have anymore contact with Blaine. He refused to believe that Seb expected it to be a long term thing. He’d give Blaine time to adjust, to see that Kurt was happy, then things could go back to normal.

. . . . .

 

The next week, Kurt and Sebastian got back to his dorm room after seeing Wicked on Broadway. Kurt was exhilarated over the experience and they had walked the whole way home singing tune after tune. It had been the best time he’d had since he’d moved to New York. Sebastian had made it the ultimate date night with flowers at the beginning of the night, dinner at a real five star restaurant, and then a limo ride to the show. Kurt had felt like a celebrity and had soaked up every minute. Sebastian had been the ultimate gentleman, pulling his chair out and ordering him the best foods. It was a dream date. The only dark spot had been the moment when they were walking home and Kurt had wanted to text Blaine and tell him everything. But he and Blaine didn’t talk anymore. He’d tried to talk to him again, but Blaine refused to budge, swearing that Sebastian wasn’t good for him. Kurt had cried and said he guessed it would be best if they didn’t talk for a while. Blaine had sounded shocked and his voice shook when he spoke, but he had agreed.

So many times over the past week he’d pulled his phone out and started to call or text him only to remember at the last minute that he couldn’t. He would lecture himself, saying he should be making these calls to Sebastian. But, like Blaine had done over the past year, Kurt wanted to talk about Sebastian to someone, to have those little conversations where you share tidbits about the person you cared about. He missed his best friend.

He refused to let the thoughts bring him down, however, and poured them each a cup of coffee, bringing Sebastian’s to him just as he liked it.

“It was an amazing night, Seb, it really was. Thank you,” Kurt said sincerely.

Sebastian smiled at him warmly over his cup. “I’m glad. I hoped it would be special for you.”

“Did you enjoy yourself?” Kurt asked.

“I plan to,” Sebastian said with a bawdy wink.

“Seb,” Kurt said, turning bright red.

“I’m kidding. Sort of. Come here, you,” he said, pulling Kurt to him after they’d put their cups down.

Kurt never got tired of the electricity that seemed to spark between them whenever they kissed. Sebastian slanted their mouths together, licking at his mouth until he opened it. Seb groaned, loving to suck on Kurt’s tongue and explore his mouth. This man was perfect and he wanted him so bad he was going to explode.

“Kurt, I need you,” he breathed against Kurt’s ear as he licked around the shell of flesh, nibbling on his earlobe.

Kurt brought their mouths back together as he tried to think for a moment. He and Blaine had waited months before becoming intimate and it had been perfect. There had been no regret, no fear, just a beautiful coming together of two hearts and bodies. With Sebastian, the spark was there, and there were emotions. But Kurt didn’t know if he was ready to go all the way yet. He knew that if he didn’t know for certain, than it must not be the right time.

“Seb, I need a little more time,” he finally whispered, breathing harshly under the expert mouth of his boyfriend.

“Did I do something wrong?” Sebastian asked, searching Kurt’s dilated blue eyes.

“No, sweetie. I just, I’m nervous, and I want to be sure it’s the right time,” Kurt explained, tracing his hand down Sebastian’s face.

“It’s Blaine isn’t it? You still think about Blaine when we get intimate,” Sebastian said sadly, closing his eyes against the pain.

“Blaine? Of course not! I just don’t want to move too fast, is all. Trust me,” he said, pushing his pelvis against Sebastian. “You are all I think about when we are together.”

At the feel of Kurt’s hard-on, Sebastian moaned lightly. “I just need you so bad, Kurt. It hurts inside. I want to be yours in every way physically possible.”

Kurt stared into his eyes, seeing the sincerity of his words. “Okay,” he whispered.

Sebastian’s face lit up. “Really? Are you sure?”

Not really, Kurt thought. “Yeah, I’m sure.” The look on Sebastian’s face was worth it, though. Kurt figured he was probably just nervous because he’d never been intimate with anyone but Blaine.

Sebastian stood and swooped Kurt up into his arms, causing him to giggle. He carried him the few feet to the bed and laid him down gently. He quickly stripped down to his boxer briefs before turning to Kurt.

As Kurt was being undressed, he admired Sebastian’s long, lean body. His abs and the deep V leading into his boxers made Kurt’s mouth go dry. Sebastian was a beautiful man and Kurt knew he would be an expert lover. He was glad he’d decided to go for it.

Once Kurt was down to his own boxer briefs, Sebastian sat back and stared at him, his eyes wide with something like awe.

Kurt turned red and began to wrap his arms around him.

Sebastian grabbed his arm, pushing it back down. “You’ve been holding out on me, Hummel,” he said with a grin. “You are fucking hot. I can’t wait to bury myself in your ass.”

Kurt’s eyes bulged. He knew he shouldn’t be comparing, but the first time he and Blaine had disrobed in front of each other, there had been sweet words about beauty and soft touches to emphasize the depth of their emotions. He swallowed the thoughts, thinking it was unfair of him to keep comparing Sebastian to Blaine.

“You are beautiful,” he said, softly sweeping his hand down Sebastian’s chest.

Sebastian covered his mouth with his own, sweeping his tongue into Kurt’s mouth, at the same time, pushing Kurt’s boxers down. The need he felt for the thin man beneath him was like a fire in his veins, stripping away every other thought.

Kurt was shocked that the boxers were already disappearing. But he moaned under the touch of Seb’s mouth on his. Sebastian moved from his mouth to his neck and down to his collar bone, licking and sucking. Kurt whimpered, as Sebastian’s hand wrapped around him and stroked him to complete hardness.

“Damn, Kurt, you’re huge,” Sebastian panted, moving aside to push his boxers down and kick them off the bed.

Kurt accepted the hot, heavy weight of Sebastian on top of him, enjoying the feeling of their hard cocks against each other. Sebastian kissed him fiercely, roughly, so much so, Kurt knew his mouth would be swollen in the morning.

Leaning back, Sebastian stroked Kurt’s cock again, gathering the moisture that had gathered there and rubbing it on his own cock. Kurt thought he was just being sexy. He was wrong.

With no preparation and no warning, Sebastian lifted one of Kurt’s knees and plunged his cock into Kurt, causing him to cry out in shock and pain. Kurt’s body wanted to reject the intrusion, the instant stretch burning  and intensely painful.

“Sebastian,” Kurt sobbed, pushing at his shoulders.

“Oh yeah,” Sebastian moaned, pulling out and pushing back into him. “Holy shit, you are tight, aren’t you?”

“Please, no!” Kurt cried, his mind fuzzy with the pain. He’d never experienced anything like it and he didn’t know why Sebastian was still going. “Seb, please, stop,” Kurt pleaded.

“Kurt, I’m so close,” Sebastian moaned. “Just another minute,” he panted.

Kurt knew he wasn’t going to get through to Sebastian and just laid as still as he could, not bothering to hold back the tears streaming down his face.

In another moment, Sebastian grunted loudly and came inside Kurt. Sebastian went limp on top of Kurt, breathing heavily against his neck.

“Get. Off. Of. Me,” Kurt said, his voice wavering.

“Huh?” Sebastian said, leaning up and staring at Kurt through glazed eyes. Seeing the tears on Kurt’s face, he smiled, wiping gently at his face. “Oh, Kurt, was it emotional for you, too? It was amazing, wasn’t it?”

“Are you kidding me?” Kurt bit out.

Sebastian pulled out and laid down next to him, stretching and looking confused. “What’s the matter?”

“You just about raped me, that’s what the matter is,” Kurt shrieked, getting off the bed, and moaning at the pain. He grabbed his robe and wrapped it around himself, needing to feel protected by clothing.

“What the hell are you talking about?” Sebastian demanded, his eyes finally clearing.

“Sebastian, I may have only been with one person,” he started.

“Do not even say his name,” Sebastian growled menacingly.

Kurt pinched the bridge of his nose, his eyes closed. “Fine. Experience tells me that when you have sex, you prepare the other person’s body to receive yours,” he said properly, glaring at Sebastian. “You did no such thing for me and it fucking hurt. Bad.”

“But you wanted me, too,” Sebastian said, back to looking confused.

“Sebastian, wanting you doesn’t automatically mean my ass is stretched enough to be fucked,” Kurt yelled. “You’ve been sexually active a lot longer than me, did you never experience this?”

Sebastian sat there and stared at him. “I, of course, yeah. I’m so sorry, Kurt. I got so caught up and the electricity between us was unbelievable. I guess I got too wrapped up in it. Please,” he said, holding out his hand. “Please forgive me.”

“Sebastian, I pushed at you, said no, told you to _stop_ for crying out loud. Still you ignored me in favor of getting off,” Kurt accused.

“Kurt,” Sebastian said, a devastated look on his face. “I’m sorry, I really am. I didn’t hear you say anything. I thought we were both enjoying it.”

“You didn’t happen to notice my lack of a hard-on? Or the tears on my face?” Kurt asked, unable to fathom why this had happened. “I need you to leave.”

“Please, Kurt, can’t we talk this out? I, damn it, I love you,” Sebastian said, his green eyes wide.

“What?” Kurt asked, shocked.

“I love you, Kurt,” he said, a smile on his lips. He came to Kurt and hesitantly wrapped his arms around him, pulling him close. “I love you and I am so sorry I hurt you.”

It had been so long, so very long since he’d heard those words in a romantic sense. It felt so good. “I forgive you,” he found himself whispering.

“Thank you, Kurt,” Sebastian said against his hair. “I’ll make this up to you, I swear I will.”

Kurt felt more tears streaming down his face, trying to ignore the ache that radiated from his ass up his into his back. Seb could make it up all he wanted to, it wouldn’t make the pain go away.

Later, when Sebastian was snoring softly, Kurt picked up his phone. Maybe just one quick text to Blaine, asking advice, sharing his feelings. He scrolled through his contacts and looked at it in confusion. Going through the list a second time, he looked over at Sebastian’s sleeping form. Somehow, and he had a feeling he knew how, Blaine’s information had been deleted from his phone.

Sebastian was just unsure of himself. He loved Kurt, there was no arguing with that. They’d work this out. Meanwhile, Kurt would just have to consider Seb his best friend. Even after he felt satisfied with his decision, it took him several hours to finally fall into a restless sleep.

. . . . .  . . . .

 

Kurt was alone when he woke up. It troubled him that he felt a little relieved, but also hurt. They’d just had sex for the first time and Seb couldn’t even stay the whole night? Shrugging to himself, Kurt went and took a shower, wincing at how sore he still was. He hoped it eased soon, it would make sitting quite unpleasant.

Coming out of the bathroom, he walked to the kitchen to make some coffee.

“Morning!” Sebastian said cheerfully.

“Holy shit, you scared me!” Kurt cried, holding a hand to his chest. Then, realizing Sebastian was actually there filled him with warmth. He walked to his boyfriend and wrapped his arms around him. “I thought you’d left.”

“I did for a little while, it was just so I could get your surprise ready,” Sebastian said, handing him a cup of coffee from Coffee Stains.

“Ah, thanks, Seb. Now I don’t have to make any,” Kurt said gratefully, taking a long drink of the delicious coffee.

Sebastian laughed. “Hello, idiot much? That isn’t your surprise,” he said, holding out an envelope.

“Me, an idiot? Who picked that hairstyle?” Kurt teased, nodding toward Sebastian’s swooping hair.

“You just wished you looked this hot,” Sebastian grinned. “Now open it up.”

Kurt pulled the pieces of paper out of the envelope. It took him a moment to get his mind to wrap around the mixture of words and numbers. It was an airline ticket, for today.

He stared up at Sebastian who was grinning proudly. “Sebastian, these are tickets to Paris, France,” he said, his mouth hanging open.

“Well, it’s good you learned how to read at that public school you went to,” Sebastian chuckled, reaching over to close Kurt’s mouth. “Please tell me you have a passport.”

Kurt nodded, a grin spreading across his face. “I got one as soon as I graduated, just in case, well, just in case! Sebastian, how, why did you do this?”

Sebastian shrugged. “I want you to know that I love you and that I can take care of you. I know I screwed up last night and I wanted to make it up to you.”

Kurt threw himself into Sebastian’s arms. “This is the most generous gift anyone’s ever given me. Thank you! Oh my god, I have to pack! Meet me back here in an hour,” he called as he rushed to his closet and dragged out his suitcase.

“Try not to pack your entire closet,” Sebastian said, shutting the door behind him.

Kurt packed excitedly, ignoring the tenderness still pulsing through his lower back. This really was the most generous gift he’d ever gotten. Sweet, even. He paused for a moment and went to his dresser. There, in the corner, a little red box he hadn’t opened in forever. Pulling the lid up, he smiled, a tear falling from his eye. This was still the sweetest gift he’d ever received. The one that meant the most. But he could never tell Seb that. He tucked the gum-wrapper promise ring and it’s box back into his drawer, pushing it to the far back, just in case.

. . . . . .

**Two years later…**

 

“What the hell do you mean?” Kurt demanded, tears streaming down his face.

“I mean that you bore me and if I feel like flirting, then I’m going to. God, look at you. You don’t even try to look good for me,” Sebastian said, his usual sneer in place on his thin lips.

Kurt glanced down at his designer clothes. “I’m in freaking Marc Jacobs, Sebastian, how am I supposed to look better?”

“You know I hate when you dress all girly. Two freaking years together and you’d think you could wrap your stupid head around the fact that I want you to look like a man,” Sebastian kept bitching, drinking his whiskey.

“Well, you know what, it’s my freaking birthday and I’m going to dress how I want to. If you want to go flirt with everyone else, I don’t care. It’s no different from the usual,” Kurt said, tiredly wiping his face. “I’ll meet you at the club tonight.”

“Fine. Don’t embarrass me tonight, Kurt. I’m warning you,” Sebastian said, draining his glass and storming out.

Kurt couldn’t have been more glad if he tried that he had refused to let Sebastian move in with him. If he didn’t have his own space to retreat to, he might have gone crazy by now. Hell, he might have hired some thugs to kill the bastard by now. But no, he was the idiot who kept taking him back. Over and over, time and time again. Whenever Sebastian screwed up, hurt him, insulted him, flirted with other guys, Kurt always took him back.

Kurt, who tried to convince himself that he was in love with Sebastian. Kurt, who thought that Sebastian loved him and just needed extra love and attention. He didn’t know how much more he could take. He was miserable. His life in New York, which had been perfect for the first year, was like living in a nightmare. The only good thing was school. He was at the end of his junior year now and he was still excelling. If Sebastian had been a proper boyfriend, Kurt might not have made up as many excuses as he did for needing to study. Sebastian gave him hell for being a nerd, but luckily, he didn’t try to stop him. That was when he started to make friends in his classes. He didn’t have any of his original friends left, none of the New Directions; Finn never even called him. Hell, he only heard from his dad on holidays now. And Blaine. He still hadn’t spoken to Blaine since Kurt had insisted on being with Sebastian. He’d heard Blaine was in New York now, though they’d never contacted each other.

Sophomore year he’d opened up to a couple guys who were studying fashion design with him. Dolph and Tavio – yes that was his real name – were both on his floor in the dorm. They were a couple and had met at Parson’s their freshman year. The three had become good friends. Seb even gave his approval once he realized that they found neither him nor Kurt attractive. It was to them that Kurt could go to when times with Seb got too hard to handle. They were coming to the club to celebrate Kurt’s 21st birthday tonight and that was the only bright spot to the night. That and being able to get as legally drunk as he could to put up with Sebastian.

Searching his closet, he looked for something that would make him feel good. That was a rare feeling anymore. He remembered a time when he felt confident whenever he looked in a mirror. Those were good days, though he had a feeling he’d just been fooling himself. But when you’re told almost daily for two years that you aren’t attractive, that you were plain, that you couldn’t be sexy if you tried – well all of that tended to shoot down your self-esteem after a while. Sebastian would then love on him and kiss him and tell him that it didn’t matter because Sebastian didn’t care if he wasn’t good looking, he still loved him. Kurt came to believe after a time that Seb was as good as he could expect from life. There wouldn’t be anyone else who would see him as attractive or love him. Not even Blaine would think he was good looking, not after so long. He probably wouldn’t even recognize Kurt, not with how ugly he was now.

He pulled on his favorite distressed jeans, a pale blue Henley, and a black vest. He turned and twisted in front of the mirror and sighed before putting the vest back in his closet. Sebastian said he wore too many vests. Sure, Kurt liked how he looked in them, but if it saved him from more criticism from Sebastian, than it was worth it to go without. His phone buzzed and he saw a text from Tavio.

Tavio: _Mind if we bring a friend? He needs to get a life. Nice guy. Kinda cute, too._

Kurt smiled. Tavio and Dolph were like parents without children, they always seemed to pick up the stray humans and try to take care of them.

Kurt: _Sounds fine to me. Just tell him to watch out for Seb. He’s on the prowl tonight._

Tavio: _Dammit, Kurt, when are you gonna tell that asshole ENOUGH already?_

Kurt: _Please don’t start, Tav, it’s been a bad day already._

Tavio: _Only cuz it’s you, love. See you tonight. Bring your dancing shoes._

Kurt: _Planned on it._

 

. . . . .

Kurt walked to the club they’d decided on, Deceptions, by himself. He could have caught a ride with Dolph, but they were picking up their friend. Kurt had wanted the time to himself. He couldn’t get Tavio’s question out of his mind. When would he tell Sebastian enough? The Kurt of two years ago would never deal with being treated the way he did. He’d lost himself somewhere along the way and he was more than aware of it. But he didn’t know what to do about it. There was this little part of him that wondered if Sebastian was right. What if nobody ever found him attractive again or loved him again? Would he rather be miserable with someone or miserable alone? Until he figured that out, he would just stay stuck where he was.

He walked into the club, the bouncer checking his ID, that Kurt was very proud to show off now that it was legitimate. The large man winked at him and told him his first drink would be on the house. He paused at the edge of the dance floor and looked around. He saw Tavio and Dolph at a table in the corner, another guy with them. And of course, there was Sebastian, on the dance floor, grinding against some butch guy. He looked up and saw Kurt and just winked before going back to the other guy.

Kurt went to the bar and ordered his first drink. A long island iced tea. He’d heard they were good and potent and at this point, that is what he wanted. He showed the bartender his ID and was given the drink for free. He smiled at him and walked over to where Tavio and Dolph were. He sat next to Tavio, resting his head against his friend’s shoulder.

Tavio made Kurt look downright masculine, at least by Sebastian’s standards. Tavio had long, floppy blond hair and he loved hair accessories. He was wearing tight leather pants and a short shirt that exposed his pale midriff. His eyes were blue and so very kind, Kurt hadn’t been able to resist getting to know him. Dolph was his polar opposite. He was huge, a former linebacker or some such football position. He was huge with red hair and brown eyes. Intimidating at first, you would soon find that Dolph was big, protective, and utterly prissy. The guy hated being dirty, hated drinking from bottles or cans and could eat a cheeseburger with a fork and knife and never get dripped on.

“Seb’s been out there with Butch for the last couple of songs,” Tavio said to him, wrapping a sympathetic arm around him.

“Ask me if I care. I’m legal now and I fully intend on getting plastered,” Kurt said, taking his first sip of the drink. He wrinkled his nose and gasped against the intense flavor of the alcohol. “Holy crap!”

He heard a deep chuckle. “If the bartender knows it’s your birthday, they add a couple of extra shots. I think they are trying to be nice.”

Kurt finally looked at the man sitting next to Dolph. He was gorgeous. He had light brown hair and eyes so dark, they looked black in the dim light of the club. He looked almost as tall as Dolph with wide shoulders shown off to perfection in a snug t-shirt.

“I’m sorry, I’ve been rude,” Kurt said, offering his hand. “Kurt Hummel.”

“Kian O’Reilly,” the man said, shaking his hand, his own hand warm and large.

“Kian?” Kurt asked, practicing the strange name.

“Yeah, it’s like key-in, like stick the key in the car,” Kian said, obviously having given the explanation a million times in the past.

“I like it,” Kurt said, giving him a big smile.

Kian blushed. “Thanks. My parents insisted that everyone in the world needed to know that we’re Irish. Sometimes I think it’s a curse.”

“Are your folks from Ireland?” Kurt asked, taking another sip and giving another look and gasp at the flavor.

Kian laughed, pushing over a glass of water. “Here, nobody’s drank from this. You’ll want to keep up on the water as much as the alcohol. And no, my folks aren’t. My great-great grandparents were. But since it was in the last century, my parents think we just got here to the new country,” he said, mimicking an Irish accent.

“Good accent. I went to high school with a foreign exchange student from Ireland, Rory. It took people a while to be able to understand what he was saying, but he was a good kid,” Kurt said, taking a long drink of the water and shooting Kian a grateful look.

A waitress walked up to the table and sat down four shot glasses. “Thanks,” Dolph said. “Kurt, in honor of your birthday, buttershots, my absolute favorite.”

Kurt wrinkled his nose. “Butter?”

Dolph chuckled. “Not actual butter, Kurt. It’s buttershots liqueur with Irish cream on the top. It’s good, creamy and not too sweet.” Dolph raised his shot glass. “To Kurt, happy birthday.”

“Happy birthday,” Tavio and Kian said, toasting him.

Kurt gave a quick glance toward Sebastian, knowing he’d get pissed to miss a birthday toast. But he still had his cock rubbing against some guys ass, so Kurt didn’t care. He raised his glass and drank the shot down. There was a slight burn, but the creamy taste of the liqueur was delicious.

“Yum,” Kurt said, his eyes lighting up. “Can I have another one?”

Tavio hugged him. “Of course. It’s your night, love.”

Two buttershots and half a long island iced tea later found Kurt on the dance floor with his friends, all of them dancing like idiots.

Sebastian danced his way over and grabbed Kurt’s ass in his hands, grinding up against him. Kurt was feeling pleasantly buzzed and allowed the dance to continue. Suddenly, Sebastian’s hands dropped and he pushed him lightly. “Jesus, Hummel, what is up with you? I can’t even get it up around you anymore,” Sebastian complained loudly. 

Dolph went and stood in front of Sebastian, topping the thin man by at least four inches. “You’re going to need to keep your hands off Kurt, there, Sebastian.”

“Oh really, Lurch? He’s my boyfriend. I can touch him any way I want to,” Sebastian said, but took a small step back from the group. “Screw this, I’m going to dance with somebody who actually does it for me.”

Kurt walked off the dance floor, his face burning with humiliation. He sat down and took a chug off the nearest drink.

“Is that guy really your boyfriend?” a soft voice asked.

Kurt looked up into the kind, dark eyes of Kian, a stranger and yet already nicer than Sebastian had ever been. “Yeah, unfortunately he is.”

Kian sat down and drank some water, wondering at the haunted look in this beautiful man’s eyes. How could anyone treat someone so unworldly like Sebastian just had?

“Can I ask why?”

“You can ask, but it doesn’t mean I have an answer,” Kurt said with a tired smile. “I don’t know. I used to think I loved him; hell, I used to think he loved me.”

“And now?” Kian’s eyes were interested.

“Now? Now, I wonder why the hell I’ve wasted the last two years of my life,” Kurt answered.

“Two years? And you haven’t killed him yet?” Kian asked with an incredulous smile.

“Not yet. I don’t know. I keep thinking he’s changing, that he’s finally going to be what I need him to be. Or maybe I’ll finally become what he wants me to be. Though I’m starting to think that might be an impossible task,” Kurt said, his voice quiet.

Kian wanted to hug the other man. There was such desolation in his voice. This should be a night of celebration and being young and silly. Kurt’s eyes looked much older than he was.

“Maybe he is the problem, not you,” Kian offered.

Kurt chuckled bitterly. “That would be convenient, wouldn’t it? But no, I never dress right, I always say the wrong thing, I always push him when I shouldn’t,” Kurt said, taking another long drink.

Kian’s hackles rose. “What do you mean you push him when you shouldn’t?”

Kurt smiled, not realizing the alcohol had loosened his tongue, allowing him to say what he would never normally say. “I piss him off when I know I shouldn’t and he pushes me or hits me. Then he cries and I have to apologize. Again. I do that a lot,” Kurt murmured into his glass.

Kian took a deep breath. “Come on, birthday, boy. Irish tradition says you have to dance with a stranger on your birthday.”

“You aren’t a stranger,” Kurt said, giving him a dazzling smile.

Kian swallowed. That smile should come with a warning, he thought. “Kurt, nobody gets stranger than me. Come on,” he said and led Kurt to the dance floor.

They rejoined Dolph and Tavio and the four danced together. Every time Kian saw Kurt’s eyes flash toward Sebastian, he’d start dancing silly until Kurt paid attention to him again. This beautiful man didn’t deserve the abuse he was getting at the hands of that prick.

“You’re nice,” Kurt said, his words slurring a bit, as he wrapped his arms around Kian’s neck.

“Thanks, so are you,” Kian said, keeping a respectful distance between their bodies.

“Seb says he can’t get it up around me anymore. Can I tell you a secret?” Kurt whispered loudly.

“Sure,” Kian smiled.

“I’m glad he can’t. It hurts too bad when he does,” Kurt said, a sad look on his face. “Sex isn’t worth it.”

Kian was about ready to explode. He didn’t care if he was a virtual stranger to this ethereal creature, every bone in his body screamed for him to protect him. He turned and caught Tavio’s eyes. He waved him over and Tavio gallantly asked to cut in, causing Kurt to giggle madly.

Kian went and began dancing with Dolph. He was tall at six foot two, but next to Dolph, he felt downright dainty.

“So, Dolph, you and Tavio are friends with Kurt. Why have you let this go on so long?” Kian asked abruptly.

“Wow, you just went right for the jugular didn’t you?” Dolph said, his brown eyes wide. “Well, we are there for Kurt as much as we can. He knows he can come to us if he needs something. And Sebastian is an asshole, but he does seem to love Kurt.”

“Please don’t punch me,” Kian said, holding up a hand. “But you guys have some serious blinders on. I’ve known Kurt for a total of two hours and granted, he’s full of alcohol, but he’s already told me Sebastian hits him. He also said that he doesn’t mind not being able to turn Sebastian on because sex hurts with him. Now, does that seem right to you?”

Dolph stopped dancing, his usually warm, tea colored eyes, ice cold. “Are you serious?”

“I would not make something like this up,” Kian said.

Dolph nodded. “Thank you for telling me. Let’s give tonight to Kurt, but as soon as we leave this place, Smythe’s ass is mine. And I don’t mean for fucking.”

Kian got actual shivers at the sudden menace coming off Dolph in waves. Tavio must have felt them from several feet away because he came and switched back with Kian.

Kian swayed with Kurt, watching the conversation with Tavio and Dolph. He knew the instant Tavio heard the news, his entire frame stiffened and his face went white. He pulled his long blond hair back and clipped it up. His hands began opening and closing. Kian had the feeling Sebastian wouldn’t be walking home tonight. He may need an ambulance. Kian hoped he got to help.

The three men stayed next to Kurt for the remainder of the evening, getting him drinks and making him laugh as they danced together. Kurt started getting a little handsy with Kian as the night wore on. Kian tried to keep it PG, but he had to admit that feeling Kurt’s small, perfectly round ass against his groin made him want to scream with pleasure. Just another minute, he promised himself, closing his eyes. Then he’d move Kurt around so things were more proper.

“Well, look who went and got his inner slut on,” came a cold voice.

Kurt practically wilted in Kian’s arms, going tense at the same time. “I was just dancing, Sebastian.”

“Yeah, with your ass on this guy’s cock,” Sebastian growled.

“And where has your cock been tonight?” Dolph asked, walking over.

“Stay out of this, Lurch. You and Fabio over there need to mind your business if you want to stay in Kurt’s life,” he threatened.

“Seb, I’m sorry, okay? Come on, I’ll dance with you if you want,” Kurt said, walking over and trying to take Sebastian’s hand.

Sebastian slapped his hand away. “I don’t want you.”

Kurt just nodded and Kian had had enough. “You know, if you claim to love Kurt, you have a really crappy way of showing it.”

“Who the fuck are you and why do you think it’s any of your business?” Sebastian asked, glaring at Kian.

“I’m someone who can see that you treat Kurt like shit,” Kian bit out. Kian was maybe an inch taller than Sebastian and he used that height, leaning over the thinner man.

“I can treat Kurt however I want. He’ll just keep taking it like he always does,” he smiled cruelly at Kurt. “Won’t you, baby?”

“Seb, why are you being so mean?” Kurt asked, his eyes overflowing with tears. “Did you forget to take your meds today?”

Sebastian laughed so hard he slapped his knees. “Those pills? Kurt, babe, I haven’t taken those pills in a year and a half. What the hell? You are so dumb. Did you notice I never got any refills?”

“So, you have knowingly treated Kurt like garbage?” Kian asked, stepping in front of Kurt, hearing a soft sob escape him.

“Why not? He takes it,” Sebastian said. “Then I buy him flowers or a trip to Paris or a bracelet and like the little hooker he is, he forgives me.”

“THAT’S IT!” came a high pitched shriek. Kurt came out from behind Kian, his blue-green eyes full of fire and hate. “That is it, Sebastian. We are over, done, finished.”

A small crowd had gathered when Kurt had screamed. Sebastian looked around, knowing he had to watch his mouth with people listening.

“Come on, Kurt,” he said, using his sweet voice. “You know I love you.”

“No, you don’t,” Kurt said, his voice shaking, but strong. “You don’t hit people you love. You don’t force yourself on people you love. You don’t belittle them and hurt them and laugh all the while. Damn you, Sebastian. All this time, I thought you were making an effort since you were taking those pills. And to find out that you quit taking them a fucking year and a half ago?!”

“Kurt, babe, don’t do this,” Sebastian said, worry in his voice. Not over Kurt breaking up with him, but the reaction of the people in the club hearing that Kurt had been hit and forced. The gay community did not take kindly to domestic violence of any kind. “Tell them the truth, Kurt. I never hit you,” he said, trying to glare Kurt down.

“Really? You didn’t?” Kurt asked. He pulled up his shirt and showed a bruise against his rib cage.

Kian gasped swallowed back bile. The deep blue and purple against that porcelain flesh was like the sickest blasphemy. “How about this one? I guess you didn’t do this either?” Kurt pulled the side of his pants down to reveal finger mark bruises on his hip and not the kind you get from being just too close. Those were cruel and meant to cause pain.

The crowd around them was getting larger and sounding more and more angry.

“Kurt, you take it back and tell them the truth or you’ll be sorry,” Sebastian warned.

“I’m sorry, did anyone else just hear this asshole threaten him after we all just saw the bruises on him?” the bartender asked from behind the bar.

It was then Kurt realized that the music had come to a stop and every pair of eyes in the club were on them. With a cry of humiliation, Kurt ran toward the door.

Tavio touched Dolph’s arm. “You go after him. I’ve got this taken care of,” Dolph said with a grin.

“Get one in there for me,” Tavio whispered. After Dolph nodded, he hurried after Kurt.

Kian, Dolph, and a large group of angry men descended on Sebastian.

“He was lying! He was just jealous cuz I danced with someone else,” Sebastian said, holding his hands up.

“You told me you were single and we should go in the back and fuck,” one of the guys he’d danced with said.

“I’d shut up while you still have the chance of getting out of here alive,” Dolph warned quietly, a ghost of a smile on his face.

“Did you hear that? Someone call the cops, these guys are threatening me,” Sebastian yelled over to the bartender and the bouncers.

“Oh, sorry, phone’s dead,” the bartender said.

“And I didn’t hear anything,” the bouncer said. “Music’s too loud.”

“There’s no music,” Sebastian cried, his voice going shrill.

Suddenly the music blasted back on and the men moved in. And what do you know, the music was too loud to hear anything after that.

. . . . . . . . .

 

**Three Months Later…**

It was August and Kurt was looking forward to starting his senior year at Parson’s in a few weeks time. If he kept his grades up, he would easily graduate at the top of his class. As it was, his professors had hinted strongly that several design firms were already interested in him. After being free from Sebastian for the last three months, Kurt was finally able to remember what he loved about New York. He’d spent the entire summer doing as he wanted, not what Sebastian told him they would do. He went to shows by himself or with Tav and Dolph, he went for boat rides and on long walks. The feeling of freedom was overwhelming. That was normal, he’d learned. He’d joined a domestic violence group at the insistence of his father. Though his was a minor case compared to some of those he’d met, he was dealing with a lot of the same psychological scars.

The nightmares were probably the worst. Dreams of Sebastian yelling at him, hitting him, hurting him. It was a nightly occurrence and he hated that Sebastian could still affect his life in this way.

But as someone whose life had been controlled, as many in the group were, they were told that it could be hard to adjust to being free to do what they wanted. The counselor smiled at him broadly every week when Kurt arrived in his latest couture designs. Knowing Sebastian had hated his designs made him dress even more flamboyantly. The counselor was proud of him and always complimented the way he looked. He never believed her, but it was still nice to hear. After being told for two years that he was plain and even ugly, he didn’t know if he’d ever believe a compliment again. Compliments were told by people who wanted something. It wasn’t always safe to accept nice words. This was obviously something he still needed to work on and it wasn’t easy.

His father had, against Kurt’s wishes at first, gotten a restraining order put against Sebastian. The first couple of weeks after Kurt had broken up with him, Sebastian had shown up at his door, yelling and screaming at him. Then he would cry and it took everything in Kurt to not open the door. Most times he would curl up on the floor by the door and cry with Sebastian. But he stayed strong and never let him in. Once Kurt had confessed the entire relationship to his father – another part of counseling – his dad had flown off the handle and gotten the restraining order. Burt had connections now and he made it happen in record time. Kurt did feel safer, knowing that if Sebastian harassed him, he could do something about it.

Tavio and Dolph kept a close eye on him, having him over for meals and movie nights, though Kurt had a feeling they did it more to watch over him than to be close. That was where he was headed now. He was looking forward to seeing his friends and watch a movie. They were going to watch Cats on DVD though the cast was all wrong. Knocking on the door, a bottle of wine in his hand, he heard Tavio’s distinct giggle before the door opened.

“Hey, love, come in, come in,” he said, letting Kurt in with a kiss on the cheek. “I hope you don’t mind, we invited Kian over. He’s a lonely soul who needs some culture.” Tavio took the wine and Kurt walked in to sit on the couch, kissing Dolph on the cheek on the way.

“Hi Kurt, how are you?” Kian said politely, his dark eyes friendly.

“I’m really good, actually. Much better than the last time we saw each other. I’m sorry you had to see all that,” Kurt said, coloring lightly.

Dolph patted him on the knee. “Remember what we told you, Kurt, you weren’t in the wrong. You don’t have to apologize.”

Kurt nodded, closing his eyes. “I know. It’s just hard to get over the habit,” he said quietly.

“Hey, I’m glad I was there. I got to meet you and see a barroom brawl all in the same night. That was a good night for me,” Kian said, laughing.

Kurt liked his laugh, it wasn’t reined in or polite, it was loud and full of mirth. “Well, I guess it ended up good for me too,” Kurt said.

“Dinner, gentlemen,” Tavio announced and they all moved to the small dining table. Dolph poured the wine that Kurt had brought.

“To good friends and new beginnings,” Dolph said, toasting them.

“Cheers,” Kurt replied and they all sipped.

As dinner went on, Kurt got the rundown of Kian’s entire life. Tavio must have his matchmaking hat on, Kurt thought. Though he had to admit, Kian was a pretty interesting guy. He was twenty eight and owned his own successful construction company. That would explain the muscles, Kurt said, unable to help noticing the man’s large arms again. One very interesting fact was that he loved to sing and play the guitar. Kurt was dying to hear him sing. He was such a soft-spoken guy it would be interesting to see how that translated into song.

“Kurt sings, too,” Tavio said cheerfully.

“Really? What do you like to sing?” Kian asked, wrapping his hand around his wine glass and taking a sip.

For the millionth time, it seemed, Kurt noticed his fingers, long, tapered, neatly buffed. Beautiful fingers.

“Um, you know, whatever. I like Broadway tunes the best, I guess. But I’ll sing anything interesting to me,” Kurt said, dragging his eyes away from Kian’s fingers, only to realize Kian was staring at him with those dark, intense eyes. Now that Kurt was close up to him, he realized his eyes were the darkest brown he’d ever seen, almost black. They were hypnotic. Realizing Kian had caught him staring, Kurt blushed fiercely and took a quick swallow of his own wine.

“Don’t be bashful, Kurt. Kian, our Kurt here was going to attend NYADA, but the assholes turned him down. But it was widely known that had it been the recruiter’s decision, she would have snatched him up in an instant,” Tavio said.

Kurt turned redder. Why was Tavio making it sound like he was a commercial or something that needed to be sold?

“That’s saying something. I’ve heard of NYADA and how hard it is to even get a recruiter to visit. Their loss, though. What did you sing for your audition?” Kian asked, his dark eyes amused.

“Um,” Kurt had to think for a moment. Why was he getting so tongue tied? “Um, ‘Not the Boy Next Door’,” he finally got out.

Kian’s eyes widened. “Really? That’s an unusual pick for an audition.”

“I was, uh, gonna sing a song from Phantom, but the recruiter looked bored, so I changed my mind on the spot and sang the other song. It went well, she said even Hugh Jackman would have been impressed,” Kurt muttered, his face staying a solid red.

“I’d love to hear it,” Kian said sincerely.

“I don’t know if I could hit the notes anymore,” Kurt said, pushing the pasta around on his plate.

“What do you mean?” Kian asked.

“Kurt’s a countertenor and he’s not going to brag, so I will,” Tavio said, splaying his hands in the air animatedly. “He belted out a high F and then in the final note, he hit a high G.”

Kian’s eyes went wide. “Are you serious?”

“Uh, yeah. And we have the video to prove it,” Dolph said, grinning, his freckled cheeks turning pink as Kurt turned to glare at him.

“What do you mean you have the video?” Kurt demanded.

“Well you showed us the video when we first met and we might have copied it to our computer so we could listen to it again,” Dolph said lightly. “Anyway, who wants to hear it?”

“Oh, I do!” Tavio cried, leaping up from the table.

“I do,” Kian said, grinning at Kurt and getting up.

“I don’t, but I have a feeling that doesn’t matter,” Kurt mourned.

“Oh, come on,” Dolph said. “You should be proud of yourself.”

“I was. Back then. That was over three years ago!” Kurt said. Then he remembered what he wore for the audition. He went white as a sheet and then turned so red, his face felt like it was on fire. “I can’t watch this,” he moaned, going over to fall onto the couch, holding a pillow over his face.

The others gathered around Dolph’s computer as the song started. Kurt heard his high pitched voice full of nerves explaining the change in the song and debated running out of the apartment. He lowered the pillow only to see Kian grinning at him.

“You were so cute in your Phantom costume,” Kian said.

“Just wait. It gets so much better,” Tavio promised.

Kurt whimpered in humiliation as the familiar music started.

 

_Comin' home used to feel so good_

_I'm a stranger now in my neighborhood_

_I've seen the world at a faster pace_

_And I'm comin’ now from a different place_

_Though I may look the same way to you_

_Underneath there is somebody new_

Kurt heard a gasp and couldn’t look up, knowing in the video he’d just ripped his Phantom costume off to reveal the snug black button-up over the gold lamé. pants. He was going to die. Right here and now.

_I am not the boy next door_

_I don't belong like I did before_

_Nothin' ever seems like it used to be_

_You can have your dreams, but you can't have me_

Hearing a cough, Kurt risked a glance over and Kian’s dark eyes were wide. He looked over at Kurt and mouthed the word “Damn” with a wink. Kurt returned to the protection of the pillow.

_Oh I can't come back there anymore_

_'Cause I am not the boy next door_

_You've been savin' those souvenirs,_

_Faded photographs from our foolish years_

_We made plans, but they're wearin' thin_

_And they don't work out 'cause I don't fit in_

_And those memories will just weigh you down_

_'Cause I got no place to keep 'em uptown_

_I am not the boy next door_

_I don't belong like I did before_

_Nothin' ever seems like it used to be_

_You can have your dreams, but you can't have me_

There was another deep intake of breath and a muttered “Oh my god”. Kurt wracked his mind, wondering about Kian’s reaction. Then he remembered. The hips. God, he’d let his hips go wild in that song, thrusting and undulating to the beat. Shoving the pillow harder against his face, he continued to wish to be swallowed whole.

_Oh, I can't go back there anymore_

_'Cause I am not the boy next door – Uh!_

_I'm not sorry for just bein' me_

_But if you'd look past the past you could see_

_That I am not…_

“Holy shit,” Kian muttered, hearing the high F coming out flawlessly.

“I know, right?” Tavio whispered excitedly. “Just wait!”

_Nothin ever seems like it used to be_

_You can have your dreams, oh, but you can't have me_

_I can't go back there anymore_

_'Cause I am not, I am not, I am not…  the boy next door!_

Kurt stayed under the pillow, wondering if he could just melt away. Suddenly the room was filled with applause. He peeked out and saw all three of them standing and clapping for him.

“That was seriously the most amazing thing I have ever heard in my life,” Kian said, his eyes sincere and admiring. “You have a beautiful voice, Kurt.”

“Thank you,” Kurt whispered.

“It didn’t hurt that you looked fine as hell in those gold pants,” Tavio said, wiggling his eyebrows. “Do you still have those?”

All three of the men abruptly looked overly interested to hear his answer. Tavio looked like he’d want to borrow them, Dolph looked like he wanted Tavio to borrow them. He didn’t know the reason behind Kian’s curiosity.

“Sadly, no. Those pants were burned along with my Broadway dreams, many years ago,” Kurt said.

Tavio sniffed dramatically. “A true loss,” he lamented.

“Seriously, though, Kurt, you rocked those high notes. It was flawless,” Kian said, coming and sitting near him.

“Thank you,” he said, looking down. He felt a warm hand on his knee. He looked up into those warm espresso eyes.

“You have the right to be proud of yourself, you know,” Kian said softly.

“Not anymore,” Kurt whispered.

Dolph coughed. “Hey, Kian, didn’t you bring your guitar? You should entertain us now,” he said.

“Oh yes, we demand it, actually,” Tavio said, flinging his blond hair over his shoulder.

“I will if Kurt sings with me,” Kian said, smiling gently at Kurt.

“We’ll see,” Kurt said, a hesitant smile on his lips.

Kian got up and pulled out a well used guitar and strummed experimentally. “So, what are we in the mood for? Melancholy, funny, cheerful?”

“Definitely something upbeat,” Dolph said.

“Okay. Let me think. Alright, here we go. Sing along if you know the words,” he said, smiling at Kurt.

 

_Don't you worry there my honey_

_We might not have any money_

_But we've got our love to pay the bills_

Kian winked at Kurt, wiggling his eyebrows. Kurt turned pink, but found himself humming along.

_Maybe I think you're cute and funny_

_Maybe I wanna do want bunnies do with you if you know what I mean_

 

Kurt loved the song and, unable to resist, he nodded at Kian and sang the chorus, his smile genuine.

 

_Oh let’s get rich and buy our parents homes in the south of France_

_Let’s get rich and give everybody nice sweaters and teach them how to dance_

_Let’s get rich and build a house on a mountain making everybody look like ants_

_From way up there, you and I, you and I_

_(Kian)_

_Well you might be a bit confused_

_(Kurt)_

_And you might be a little bit bruised_

_(Kian)_

_But baby how we spoon like no one else_

_So I will help you read those books_

_If you will soothe my worried looks_

_(Kian and Kurt)_

_And we will put the lonesome on the shelf_

_(Kian and Kurt)_

_Oh, let’s get rich and buy our parents homes in the south of France_

_Let’s get rich and give everybody nice sweaters and teach them how to dance_

_Let’s get rich and build a house on a mountain making everybody look like ants_

_From way up there, you and I, you and I_

Waving their friends along to join in, all four of them completed the final chorus, clapping to the beat.

_Let’s get rich and buy our parents homes in the south of France_

_Let’s get rich and give everybody nice sweaters and teach them how to dance_

_Let’s get rich and build a house on a mountain making everybody look like ants_

_From way up there, you and I, you and I_

They applauded themselves, laughing and enjoying the moment of fun. They played around with a couple more songs before Kian said it was time he headed out. Kurt agreed and thanked Tavio and Dolph for a fun evening, even if they hadn’t gotten around to watching Cats.

“Can I walk you home?” Kian asked, slinging his guitar on his shoulder.

“I live like five doors down,” Kurt said with a grin.

“Well, that just means you won’t have to put up with me for long,” Kian smiled.

“Okay then,” Kurt said.

Waving at their ecstatic friends, they headed down the hallway. Kurt was struck again at how tall Kian was. Kurt felt positively tiny next to the man.

“I really enjoyed singing with you guys,” Kurt said. “It’s been too long since I enjoyed music like that.”

“I couldn’t live without it. And you shouldn’t either. You seemed really happy, really alive while you were singing,” Kian noted.

“I felt really happy,” Kurt agreed.

They reached his doorway. “This is me,” Kurt said, getting out his key.

“So, um, since I walked you home, does it mean I can have your number?” Kian asked, his cheeks turning pink.

“You get my number because you walked me home,” Kurt deadpanned.

“Um, yeah?” Kian said, grinning.

“Fine, but only because that was the worst line in the world,” Kurt agreed and they traded numbers.

“I hate talking on the phone, but I love texting, just a warning,” Kian said.

“Okay. I just wish I could text as fast as I think,” Kurt said with a chuckle. “I’ll talk to you later.”

“Talk to you soon,” Kian said and grinned before walking down the hall toward the stairs.

Kurt had barely locked his door when his phone buzzed.

Kian: _It really is too bad about those pants._

Kurt: _Go home._

Kian:  _:]_

Kurt chuckled and went to get ready for bed. His last thoughts before drifting off were wondering what it would cost for some gold lamé.

 

. . . . . .

 

Kurt spent the next two weeks texting with Kian. He was continually surprised to find the other man kind and considerate, anticipating Kurt’s needs and fears. He guessed he was still waiting for the Sebastian to come out of him. But instead they would spend hours texting each other. The few times Kurt called him, Kian had stuttered and stumbled through the conversation. Finally, he was able to convince Kurt that unless he was face to face with someone, then texting was the best option. Kurt loved how he would go through the day and receive random texts from Kian.

Kian: _What is your favorite color?_

Kurt: _Blue._

Kian: _You’re eyes are the most wonderful shade of blue._

And then he wouldn’t hear from him for another few hours. He was asked all of the ‘favorite’ questions. Books, movie, TV, theater, clothes. They could never seem to stop talking about music, though. That was a passion they both shared. They discussed groups and songs down to the nth detail, notes and melodies, harmonies that sounded good or didn’t. Kurt hadn’t had so much fun in his life. But it was the night time texts that had opened his heart. They’d discussed sleeping in at one point and Kurt admitted he didn’t like to sleep at all. Kian had gotten him to confess about the nightmares. So, every night, whether they had spoken at all that day, Kurt got a text around ten at night.

Kian: _Sleep sweet, Kurt._

That was all. And though it didn’t take the nightmares away, it made him feel cared for.

. . . . . .

Kian: _Tav and Dolph are having a BBQ on the roof this weekend. Be my date?_

Kurt: _Now how am I supposed to ask you to be my date if you go and ask me first? It’s my building._

Kian: _Ok, forget I said anything._

Kurt: _Hey, Kian, got a question for you._

Kian: _Sure, Kurt, what’s up?_

Kurt: _Tav and Dolph are having a BBQ on the roof this Saturday night. Be my date?_

Kian: _You know I’d love to, but I’m just too busy._

Kurt: _Jerk._

Kian: _Fine. Don’t beg, it doesn’t become you. Pick you up at 8?_

Kurt: _If I’m here._

Kian: _Jerk._

. . . . . .

Kian and Kurt walked up to the BBQ together carrying the casserole and salad they were contributing. They saw Dolph and Tavio had been busy, setting up picnic tables and chairs everywhere. It was going to be a big party. The food was more of an excuse to drink than anything else.

Food got thrown on the BBQ’s, music playing and as more people showed up, dancing began.

Kurt and Kian sat at a picnic table, straddling the bench. Kurt noticed that where their knees touched and occasionally their feet, it felt like a warm fire was starting. The brush of fingers, the way Kian wiped at a potential smudge on Kurt’s cheek. It was all building to create a fire of need inside Kurt. They got up at one point and danced together, Kurt discovering that Kian wasn’t that great at moving. But he could get the general sway down since he had rhythm and when two people want to move together, the sway is really all you need.

Someone had set up a karaoke machine and they got up and sang a couple songs together, laughing so hard, Kurt’s stomach hurt. Kian was so much fun, Kurt couldn’t help but always be smiling. But when they touched, the smile melted into something else. A feeling that was mirrored in Kian’s eyes.

That night, Kian walked him back to his room. Kurt asked him in and they sat on the couch, facing each other from opposite ends, talking for the longest time. Finally, Kurt couldn’t take it and moved across the couch on his knees and, balancing against Kian’s wide chest, he leaned down and kissed him. His lips were perfect, warm, firm, welcoming. Their mouths moved against each other’s for a long while until both of them were short of breath. Kurt sat down between Kian’s legs, leaning back against his chest. Kian wrapped his arms around Kurt and held him.

“I promise not to hurt you,” Kian whispered.

Later after Kian left, Kurt lay in his bed, thinking of those dark eyes, so dark he could see his own reflection in them. Was he starting to care for Kian? Could he risk it?

Kian: _Sleep sweet, Kurt._

. . . . . .

A year later, Kurt was smiling at the picture Kian had sent him on his phone. A squirrel had gotten lost at the construction site and Kian had caught a picture of him running up a wall.

Things had been rough between them, but it looked like things were finally looking up. Kian had gotten ill a couple months before, so ill he’d had to go into the hospital for a while. A build up of fluids, they said. Nothing serious. But he’d been in there for a few days. Kian had asked him to not come visit, that he didn’t want Kurt stuck as a nursemaid. He’d even tried to break up with Kurt. Kurt didn’t take that one sitting down and had marched into the hospital room, demanding that Kian let Kurt love him, let him be there for whatever he needed. Kian had mouthed “I love you” as Kurt was quickly shooed out by a nurse and Kurt knew it would be okay.

They had fights like this often. They were both extremely passionate people who took it out on each other. At the beginning of the relationship whenever Kurt would get angry, he’d swallow it back, hold it in. Kian would get in his face and yell at him to fight back, to not let himself get pushed around. Well, Kian’s methods worked better than therapy and soon Kurt would get right up in his face when he had something to say. Most of the time, they’d fight it out in the bedroom, letting their bodies duke it out. There was another area, Kian had worked his magic. Kian had shown Kurt that lovemaking could be sweet and tender and pain free. It had taken a while before they’d been fully intimate, but never once had Kian pushed him.

And every night came the text before bed. Even the nights that Kian stayed over.

Kian: _Sleep sweet my love._

Kurt loved him dearly, so much it ached sometimes. He was the most wonderful man. Now that he was feeling better after his hospital stay, Kurt looked forward to more good times with him.

Kian: _Need to talk. Can I stop by after work?_

Kurt: _Sure._

Kian usually just stopped by, but announcing it made it serious. Kurt did his hair and had coffee waiting when Kian finally got there.

“Hey beautiful,” Kian said, kissing him sweetly.

“Hey yourself,” Kurt said, loving the construction look Kian was pulling off. The big boots, the worn jeans and t-shirt. It did something for him.

“So, my aunt invited me to go on a trip with her in a couple weeks,” Kian said.

Knowing Kian and his aunt and grandmother were very close, Kurt nodded. “Okay. Where are you going?”

“That’s the best part,” Kian said, his dark eyes lighting up. “We’re going to Yellowstone National Park.”

“Oh honey, I’m happy for you,” Kurt exclaimed, hugging him. “I’m also happy for me that I’m not going.”

Kian laughed. “Oh come on, you know you love nature.”

“As a print on fabric, absolutely. In the flesh? No thanks,” Kurt said. His job with Marc Jacobs was taking off fabulously and Kurt never skipped a chance to talk about clothes or fabric.

“Fine. But I’m going to send you a postcard,” Kian said.

“You’d better,” Kurt replied with a grin.

That night as they lay snuggled together, Kurt felt this gnawing sensation in his chest. Why hadn’t Kian invited him? His aunt Cindy and grandmother loved Kurt and they often did things together. He found he was jealous. He wanted to go on this dream vacation with his boyfriend, even if he did hate nature.

He fell asleep with a frown on his face.

When he woke up in the morning, he rolled over to find Kian gone for the day. He sat up and rubbed at his eyes. He hadn’t had a nightmare the previous night. He’d dreamed, but it had been far from a nightmare.

Going to his desk, he pulled out his journal and began writing down every detail.

_Golden eyes. Curly hair. I haven’t thought about Blaine Anderson in so long, but in the dream, I loved him. I needed and wanted him. And he loved me. Kian wasn’t even in the dream. Is there such a thing as dream adultery? Blaine held me in his arms, kissing me and it felt so right. Like everything in the world was as it should be. But I love Kian. We’ve been looking at engagement rings for god’s sake! I don’t feel like I love Blaine still. But that dream. So vivid. Those golden eyes. I guess I do miss him. Oh well. Odd dream. Off to work I go._

. . . . . .

Two and a half weeks later, Kurt was waiting near the phone when it rang.

“Hey beautiful,” Kian said.

“I feel like it’s been forever since we talked,” Kurt said. He missed Kian more than he’d thought he would.

“Did you write to me today?” Kian asked. Kurt had been writing Kian a letter a day for him to read when he got home.

“I did, as a matter of fact. And it might just be rated RH for Really Hot,” Kurt teased.

“I so wish I was alone right now,” Kian whispered.

Kurt giggled. “Oops, sorry. Hope I didn’t give you a hard on in front of your grandma.

“Me too,” Kian said.

They talked for a time about Kurt’s job and how Kian’s vacation was going. All the animals Kian had seen were described in great detail. Kurt tried to show the appropriate amount of appreciation, but it just wasn’t there.

“I’ll be home in four days,” Kian told him finally.

“I can’t wait,” Kurt said. “I miss you.”

“I miss you too. Sleep sweet my love,” he said.

“Thank you. I love you, Kian,” Kurt said, smiling.

“I love you, too,” Kian said.

. . . . . .

The next day found Kurt in a frazzled state of mind. Anything that could go wrong had gone wrong at work and he was literally counting down the minutes until he could get out of there. It had been a long day and all he wanted was a glass of wine, a call from Kian, and sleep.

He was hiding in his office, talking with his co-workers and assistants. They were all female and got along with Kurt famously. Sarah was regaling them with her latest shopping scandal when Kurt’s office phone rang. He glared at it, but picked it up anyway.

“Is this Kurt Hummel?” the voice asked.

“Yes, how can I help you?” Kurt asked.

“I am putting through an emergency call from Cindy Jerome. Will you accept the call?” the proper voice said.

Kurt felt a shaft of cold fear slice through him. “Yes, of course.”

“Please hold.”

“Kurt, dear is that you?” Cindy asked.

“Yes. What’s the matter. Where is Kian?” Kurt asked, doom filling every pore in his body.

“Honey, I’m so sorry. He passed away this afternoon,” Cindy said, her voice choked.

“What? What did you say?” Kurt asked, his brain refusing to cooperate.

“Kurt, Kian died today. His heart stopped and they were unable to resuscitate him,” she said.

“Kurt, calm down,” one of his assistants said. “What’s going on?”

“Kian?! Kian’s dead?” Kurt yelled, his voice going shrill. “Kian’s gone?”

“Kurt, give me the phone,” somebody said.

The phone was out of his hand and he was standing. “Kian’s dead?! No!” he screamed. He screamed it again and again and again. “No, please god, no! Kian!”

Kurt doesn’t remember how, but Tavio and Dolph showed up and he is escorted from the office, with them holding his hands. He is driven home and put to bed. He doesn’t sleep though. He’s too busy crying and denying what he’d heard. Kian wasn’t dead. They’d see. It was a mistake. He couldn’t be dead. Kurt had just talked to him the night before, for crying out loud. The pillow was soaking wet, but he didn’t know how. He had no idea he was shaking with sobs, Tavio and Dolph holding him between them. The three of them cried late into the night and there was nobody to tell Kurt to sleep sweet.

. . . . . .

People say to do things in life because if you don’t, there may come a day when you regret not doing it. When it comes to identifying a body before cremation, Kurt could assure anyone that skipping it would be perfectly fine.

. . . . . .

Kurt shook hands with people as they filed in for the memorial. Kurt’s only two friends were there. Dolph and Tavio. The trio had matching circles under their eyes. They had helped him piece together a collage of pictures before the ceremony that were now decorating the front of the hall they’d rented.

Sarah from work came up to him and pressed a CD into his hand.

“Here’s that CD you were looking for,” she whispered.

Kurt looked at her and the CD, unable to hold back the tears. “Thank you so much. You have no idea what this means to me.” Kurt had looked everywhere for the old CD and hadn’t found it anywhere.

People spoke at the memorial. They spoke about the love of life Kian had, the kindness, the willingness to help anyone and everyone. Kurt got up and spoke about Kian teaching him to be strong, teaching him what love was really like. Even though Kian had lied to him, hadn’t told him about the heart disease he’d been fighting the whole time, Kurt wasn’t angry. Kian had lived every day like it was his last day. Until it finally was his last. It seemed fitting in a way that he died in a place he’d always dreamed of going, among the nature he’d loved so much.

Then Kurt went to the center stage and cued the sound man. There would never again be a song so hard to sing. But he gathered himself and forced the words past his tear-clogged throat.

 

_Fly, fly little wing_

_Fly beyond imagining_

_The softest cloud, the whitest dove_

_Upon the wind of heaven's love_

_Past the planets and the stars_

_Leave this lonely world of ours_

_Escape the sorrow and the pain_

_And fly again_

_Fly, fly precious one_

_Your endless journey has begun_

_Take your gentle happiness_

_Far too beautiful for this_

_Cross over to the other shore_

_There is peace forevermore_

_But hold this mem'ry bittersweet_

_Until we meet_

_Fly, fly do not fear_

_Don't waste a breath, don't shed a tear_

_Your heart is pure, your soul is free_

_Be on your way, don't wait for me_

_Above the universe you'll climb_

_On beyond the hands of time_

_The moon will rise, the sun will set_

_But I won't forget_

_Ooh_

_Fly, fly little wing_

_Fly where only angels sing_

_Fly away, the time is right_

_Go now, find the light_

. . . . . .

 

Two weeks after Kian died, Kurt was finally able to go about the mundane tasks of life. Not that it was getting easier; it wasn’t. But he knew there were things he had to do and so he made himself do them. He got his laundry washed, he paid his bills, he finished the accounts at work that demanded attention. That Saturday, he got to thinking about the memorial and how beautiful it had been. If Sarah hadn’t found that music for him, it might not have been as perfect as Kian had deserved.

With that thought in mind, he went out and picked a bouquet of flowers and a card for her. He drove to her house, hoping she’d be home, wanting to make sure she knew how grateful he was.

He rang her doorbell and smiled weakly when she answered.

“Kurt! What are you doing here?” she asked, her green eyes bright.

“I, uh, wanted to bring you these flowers and the card. To thank you for what you did for me. You know, for the memorial,” Kurt said, biting his lip so he wouldn’t cry. His mouth had been bleeding a lot since that was how he kept the tears back.

“Oh, sweetie, thank you. Come on in, please ignore the mess. My brother and his friend are having a Halo marathon,” she said. “Paul, come meet my friend,” she called.

A tall man with thinning brown hair and friendly green eyes came up and shook his hand. “I’m Paul, I’m sorry for your loss.”

“Thank you,” Kurt said quietly.

“This is my friend,” Paul said, turning to the side.

“Blaine?” Kurt said, stunned.

“Kurt? Oh my god, is it really you?” Blaine asked, rushing forward to envelope Kurt in his arms.

“Blaine,” Kurt sobbed, collapsing onto the floor, with Blaine wrapped around him.

“I’m so sorry about your fiancé, Kurt,” Blaine whispered.

“I missed you,” Kurt whimpered. “I’m so sorry I let Sebastian separate us.”

“That’s in the past. You have me now,” Blaine assured him. “I’m not going to let you go.”

. . . . . .

Twelve years later, Kurt was going through pictures with Tavio, reminiscing over their college days. Blaine was still busy at work at the theater, as he always was on opening nights. Kurt would be in the audience, cheering his husband on, as always.

Kurt was thumbing through pictures when he gasped and dropped the pictures in his hand except for one. In it, he and Kian were in the midst of a laugh, absolute joy on their faces. Tears flooded Kurt’s eyes. Twelve years later or not, he still missed him sometimes. He loved Blaine with everything in him and truly believed they were meant to be. Having the dream of Blaine two weeks before Kian’s death and meeting him after so many years only two weeks after Kian died. It was too much to be mere coincidence. But he still thought fondly of Kian. He was grateful for the lessons he’d learned, learning to love and be loved. How to be strong within himself. Blaine never faulted him for his feelings and even agreed to a picture being hung up in the den. Just a small snapshot of Kian smiling at the camera. Just enough to honor his memory. He let the tears fall for a few minutes, having never seen these particular pictures, but there they were, one after another. He and Tavio laughed at the memories. Then the phone rang and Tavio ran off to answer it.

For a moment it felt as though the room weren’t empty, as if he wasn’t alone. As if he could hear Kian’s voice once more, before he put the lid back on the box of pictures.

“Sleep sweet my love.”

He smiled, patted the box and went to go get ready for opening night.

**THE END**

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I apologize because I didn’t take this as far as it could go. I thought it would be cathartic but it was too painful. I’d like to tell you guys about my story. If you don’t want to read it, I understand, please just leave a review and look for the next story.
> 
> In 1999, I was engaged to the most wonderful man on earth named Jeff. He’d gotten me through a horrible break-up. And like Kian did for Kurt, Jeff taught me how to be strong, how to fight back, how to find myself again. He died at the age of 29. Two weeks before he died, I dreamed of my Blaine, and two weeks after Jeff passed, I saw my future husband for the first time since we dated in high school. Our reunion wasn’t as full of love and romanticism as a story, but we built a wonderful life together and now, 14 years later, we are still happily married. Some interesting points are.. the dream. Too weird that I would have that just before he died. Jeff did have heart disease; sudden death being one of the side effects, as the doctor put it. My husband had also been in a bad relationship while I was and had recently gotten out of it when we reunited. We both had sons who were only four months apart in age. Before Jeff went on his trip to Yellowstone, he started calling people out of the blue, renewing friendships and giving away his possessions, as if he knew. And like Kurt, I was mad, jealous that I didn’t get to go on the trip. Afterward, I wondered if my spirit knew, somehow, that he wouldn’t be coming home to me. I did find out at work that he’d died. I worked in a call center and found out later that people who worked across the entire building had heard me scream. I don’t remember. I was very poor when Jeff and I were together and didn’t have the money for a camera. When he died I realized we had no pictures of us together. His aunt gave me his camera and there was film inside. When I developed the film, there was one picture, perfectly taken of he and I at the beach. I still have that picture, though there are bite marks on it. My 2 year old son at the time had thought it was tasty. Anyway, my mom and I were recently going through pictures and we found a whole bunch with Jeff in them. It was such a shock to my system that I immediately started sobbing. Sometimes I miss him so much. He was beautiful, passionate, kind, musical, and he taught me what it felt like to be loved for real. I will always be grateful to him.  
> Oh and Tavio? That was what my husband’s name would have been if his mother had had her way. Thank GOD she didn’t! lololol


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